April 17th, 2023 is a day that is burned in my brain. On that day, I almost lost my life, inches from decapitation. An hour and a half later, I was out of the wreck, on my way to hospital. A whole range of emotions have worked through my psyche these last nine months. Not being sure if I would be able to ride a motorcycle again, or how well. But since the accident, I’ve healed, and my focus is now on the spring.
I tested my leg, and had the joy of riding my new motorcycle, a 2020 Kawasaki Ninja 1000sx for five whole days last fall. It was marvelous. But riding is one thing, and being able to trek through the mountains carrying 65-70 lbs. of gear up 3,000 to 4,000 feet higher than your parked bikes elevation, is another. To that end I have to come to a decision this week. One that will have implications for my mobility for the rest of my life.
One is to live with the impediment of a steel bar and screws in my leg, that creates some pain, and impedes my walking any great distance. The other is to have a second operation, soon, to remove the hardware and then face another two month recuperation, combined with another intensive month of legwork to enable me to hold up my 528 pound machine, should I need to do so.
This week my surgeon will do an MRI and weigh-in on the optimal choice. I’m resolved to the idea that I may have to live with a permanent physical restriction on my ability to walk long distances, and the fact that the accompanying pain will always be part of that equation.
But the other option remains tantalizingly close by, compelling me to ask, “What if I can be whole again? What if I don’t have to live with restriction?” There is always the possibility that something can go wrong. “What if the operation fails to relieve the pain? What if the damage is to the nerves themselves, and walking remains painful, after all that pain, and all this time?”
I’ve lived with pain most of my life. I’ve had lots of injuries. But now that I’m 71, do I want to risk the freedom, if limited, that I now have? I’m leaning towards having the surgery. Sure it’s a gamble, but so is life. I want to ‘experience’ life, not simply endure it. So, if this Thursday the answer is, “It’s up to you.” Then I think I’ll take the plunge.
The Special Air Service has a motto, which no other group dares wear on their arm, along with a tattoo of a stiletto. It says, “Who Dares Wins”. Let’s find out. If I’m okayed for the surgery, I’ll walk through the recovery and strengthening for you guys to critique. That will give me the impetus to work hard, as I’m not willing to be a wuss for anyone to see. I will fully recover, and I will find a way to trek again.
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