Today is a rather desultory, overcast, icey and rainy day here in Winnipeg. I find myself sitting and wondering about how I got here and what I’ve accomplished, or failed to accomplish throughout my life. It’s a hard discussion to have with yourself, for it exposes you to that part of your psyche that you’re most uncomfortable with. It also is enlightening because even though it has always been a part of you, it isn’t necessarily a part you that you wish to talk to, or discuss.
Shortly, I’ll be 71. That figure by itself signifies little, other than time is of the essence. There is a voice inside that whispers faintly in your 60’s and progressively louder as you age, that says; ”If you’re going to do it, now is the time.” The voice never illuminates what the ‘it’ is, yet once I put my head down for the evening, there is the awareness that I need to define and act on ‘it’.
Like many of you, I assume, I have gone through life telling myself that success was the measure of who I was. In reality, success is, for the most part, a figment of our own making. We delude ourselves into thinking how one more step up a rung, or one larger level of compensation will be the eureka moment, when in reality, all that is important in this life eludes us.
Happiness is not about acquisition. Happiness is not about wealth, or power or achievement. Happiness is about finding ourselves and in understanding what it is that brings relaxation, inner peace and social acceptance. It’s about the relationships we have with those who matter, our family our children, and, possibly, our friends.
It wasn’t until I had finished my life’s work, so to speak, that I came to the realization that I had never confronted that inner voice and my psyche. I had to actually quantify my life’s successes or failures and discovered to my dismay, that the road we take in life is often not of our choosing but our making. We deem through our own narcissism and pride to see ourselves in a particular light. One that often is most complementary to our vision. We also fail to face the reality of our existence and determine what it is above all that we want to find in this experience of our life.
I was always someone who pushed boundaries, often to my own detriment physically and mentally. As I age, I sought to discover those things that stimulated my inner peace and provided joy, rather than a “self-satisficing“ feeling of good enough. In that journey I’ve come across some important facts. First, I have come to appreciate me. Enough was never enough, until now. I don’t need anymore so-called successes. I simply want peace, comfort, an absence of drama and a relationship with one person who ‘gets me’ and that I in turn ‘get’.
To that end, I’ve found that someone, and through that experience become more satisfied that enough is enough. I found motorcycling and a love for a previous love, photography and cinematography. It’s where I’m going to return as often as time allows.
Appreciate what you have and how you came to be where you are in this life. Appreciate the sheer beauty of this little blue orb and do what you can to preserve it for the next generation. Find balance with your expectations and achievements. Seek solace in good company. Enjoy breathing the air and feeling the wind in your hair, or like me, on your scalp.
Be the person you always wished you were. Be empathic, be kind, be honest, be…happy.
Ciao…
Leave a Reply