While Accepting the Conflict That it Fosters
ON APRIL 28, 2024 BY PHOTOMOTOMAN IN MOTORCYCLING
Lately, I have tried to analyze what I want from my motorcycle ventures, and what creates a level of angst in response. Conflict comes from wanting two opposed things to occur simultaneously, yet when I choose them to occur, separately.
If that sounds counter-intuitive, it is. Lately, I’ve attempted to understand this conflict by reading about how other riders view the challenge of wanting to experience isolation and independence, yet simultaneously wanting to share that experience and the surrealness, the exceptional moment, with someone else.
My other half is much less comfortable with forays into the world of motorcycling, either as a rider or casual pillion accomplice. Strangely, I agree with her position. Being irresponsible, I don’t want the responsibility for her well-being, both physical and mental that would occur on one of my forays into the world of the unknown.
While not immortal, I have often chosen the road less logical, the road more challenged. It has left me with some unique, if often painful, experiences. Oddly, I would not change these events or go back and expunge them from my experience. They were formative in relation to how I view the world and how I view life.
The writer, motorcyclist, and author, Jeff Buchanan, a regular contributor to Road Runner magazine, has written eloquently about his experiences and this push-pull associated with being what some might consider a loner or somewhat eccentric personality. In my solitude, I find his work to be that of a kindred spirit. I too enjoy, anticipate, and relish in the act of being a ‘lone rider’. As an aside, I hope you will inquire into Jeff’s work. It is both, by his admission, eccentric, yet captivating.
The idea of challenge, self-reliance, and isolation is seductive. We live in a world of constant stimulation and communication. And by so doing, we lose ourselves in the process. I find I need isolation as much as I need comradeship and affinity. I want to disconnect and experience the solitude that comes with no schedule, no plan, no expectations, and no timeline. Of course this butts up against the real world, for no man is an island.
And while I am in the process of solitary pursuit, I find places and things that beg to be shared, to be experienced. My way of confronting these two opposed needs is to photograph or videotape the experience so that others can experience and capture that moment for themselves.
Enabling a moment for others vicariously fulfills my need for affinity. Oddly, this is still a solitary pursuit, as I have no one to interact with during the process. However, as discomfiting as this is to my psyche, I choose this over riding in a group and being influenced by the decisions or indecision of others. I need not ask permission to delay and investigate that canyon, or read a historical marker or spend time in a book store.
For me, it enables immersion in the ‘now’. To me serendipity is important, for often I don’t know what will be sublimely interesting until I’m in the act of doing whatever ‘that’ is. Motorcycling enables that discovery, that immersion away from the connectedness of the world. It’s a place to think, to relax, to experience time in a way that is constructive for our spiritual well-being.
Being conflicted I believe, for many of us, is normal. We live in a very conflicted world. The desire to know and the aversion to what we see and discover through the process of knowing is of discomfort. We cannot influence what is happening in any real way, yet we are drawn to the unfolding horror that exists on this planet, day in and day out.
The conflict created by wanting to know, yet needing to ignore for the protection of our own psyche and emotional well-being leads to anxiety. For those of us who are motorcyclists, it often almost impels us to disconnect and find solitude by immersing us in the experience, the moment, of riding.
When I was younger I was always involved in personal challenges. I would pit myself against a clock, against nature, against the unknown, and found the act of doing so, highly rewarding. It gave me confidence in that I knew I could do it, whatever the ‘it’ was. I am returning to my roots these days, relishing the experience of an old man in age challenging his abilities against a relentless foe, – time.
I feel it, viscerally. I am limited in both time and ability and will continue the good fight to master my physical limitations and time itself while pursuing the ‘edge’ of what is reasonable. Riding a motorcycle enables the good fight, and provides me with endless hours of discovery and subjects to write about and learn from.
I hope you come along for the ride, as one who wishes for solitude, independence of action and thought, yet requires acceptance, please join me for the journey.
Ciao…
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