“Shit-Show”

Satire from the Edge

Well, it’s almost here folks. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, we are about to be visited by the installation, another fitting noun, for what is to transpire on the 20th of this month. I have been contemplating the imagined event and both the install and the follow-on will be, I’m sure memorable.

A “shit-show” according to the Cambridge Dictionary is;

…a situation or event that is badly organized, unpleasant, and full of confusion…as in;

. Elections are often a shit-show

. After I divorced responsible government, my life turned into a shit-show.

. The Investiture turned out to be a total shit-show.

. From then on, America was a shit-show.

. You’re just one of 340, 110, 148 about to live in this shit-show.

But not for the reasons that most of us normally attach to such a normally august happening. No in this case, installation seems highly appropriate. Normally, when someone moves into a used house, there is a renewal of sorts. A cleaning and replacement of all things worn, unwanted or of no value.

Well, in this case, that list will be rather long. The Ultra-white house will not require many of its previous attributes. Gone will be the need for laws, rules, decorum, truth, trust, empathy, kindness, intelligence (now an oxymoron) or rational discourse. No, none of that thank you.

Instead, we will replace discourse with diatribes, rationality with rhetoric, truth with turbulence, empathy with enmity, intelligence with imbecility, laws with litigation, decorum with disasters.

I can imagine that the conveyances in the ‘absence of colour’ house will have to be more conducive to hiding stains and discolouration, so the install will likely include new mango coloured toilets and sinks. They will have to be very sturdily built as well, more, throne-like in order to manage the massive amount of diarrhea, verbal and otherwise for the never-ending shit show to come.

Inquiries have already been made I understand to change the colour of ‘phoscheck’, the fire retardant chemical, from pink, to orange mango. That way whenever a major fire breaks out again in America, — and let’s face it, after January 20th it will be hard to differentiate from the normal administrative conflagration, at least then the Great (there’s that word again) unwashed masses, (otherwise know as the public), will be able to see for themselves that the alternate facts their government is spewing out is ‘working for them’. So much winning, so much orange mangoness.

Apparently, seeing as there will be a constant level of administrative, social and actual wild land fire, street cleaners will have their water supply replaced with the new radiative orange mango type of sprayed effluent. No point missing an opportunity to remind America of the great ‘colour of winning’, –now is there?

In the future, all edicts, — I mean government informational releases, will be printed on orange paper, and all Red Alerts, will now become orange ones. Oranges, themselves, shall be renamed trumpages, since obviously they should have been called that originally. And to avoid confusion in the future, The Great Lakes, shall be called The Great American Lakes, in order to differentiate them from the ‘Lesser and poorer, now that the Great Tariffs of Trumpicity have arrived, “Okay Lakes of Canada”. Florida shall be renamed Mara lago land, and California, Never Never Land, as obviously it is a place of no significance. Much work will go into the new titles coming from the office of contempt for science and irrationality, where Muskrat and Ramaswamy shall be ensconced, spreading love across Trumpistan.

(Oops, that’s not supposed to be discussed till next week.)

The future, will indeed be a ‘shit-show’ for the ages.

Build that wall America, please, build that wall.