Satirical Commentary – Honest, Yeah, I mean really.
Stats and Figures from the Office of Private S.N.A.F.U.
Week 1 – A winning, so much winning, agenda.
Well Folks, It’s been quite a week. Yes, quite a week, indeed. Mango man has threatened to attack three nations, buy a foreign independent and sovereign state, destroy two allies, and financially cripple another more distant neighbour. Awesome, spectacular start indeed.
I’ll try to be subtle, controlled and not feel angst or anger at the new American Federal Bureaucracy led by so many winners. Oh wait, I shouldn’t call them that. Autocracies can be so confusing, right? It sounds too much like someone in the administration actually has a clue as to what’s going on within the departments of the U.S. government.
Plus it’s placing too much hope on their future actions, that’s obvious.
Pete Hegseth, the newly appointed Secretary of Defence, American military policy, and secretarial pool crotch grabber, former alleged wife abuser, drunk, public embarrassment and alleged sexual deviant, — (whoa, I thought I was going to run out of breath there for a moment), when asked why General Mark Milley had his protective detail removed, and an investigation begun as to his decisions while Secretary of Defense, stated;
“This was done to illustrate how America will hold its leaders to account regardless of their rank”. Really Pete? You were blown through a keyhole by Trump, metaphorically speaking, I guess, in order to avoid releasing details of your behaviour that didn’t border on, — but was actually criminal.
Meanwhile your indicted and federally convicted crime boss and adjudicated rapist, avoided further prosecution, and then pardoned his brown shirts for the January 6th insurrection.
Accountability? I can hear the laughter in Nome, Alaska from here. Well all I can say Pete, is you’re committed, or should be, — to the cause, I mean. You are so full of shit, you’ve actually come to believe your own bullshit, and believe me Mr. Secretary, that is mighty impressive.
Get on with pretending America’s present government isn’t a cesspool of criminals, kleptocrats, plutocrats, autocrats, dictators and billionaire robber barons. I’ll wait.
But you can stop now. You’ve been appointed. Just stop the pretence and come out and say it.
“Okay, I guess. We’re a gang of sociopathic crooks who intend on stealing Americans blind. If we could rip out your gold fillings for the last .00000000000000001% of your wealth, we would, but that would be painfully obvious.
So instead, we’ll just inflate every budget in every department in Trumpistan and give every contract to ourselves and then charge it all to the American, soon to be Trumpistanian Taxpayer.
By the time we leave office, we’ll all be billionaires and the National Debt will be in the troposphere, which of course you won’t be able to see because of all the pollution and smoke from the wildfires year round.”
“By the way, have my secretary look up troposphere, I think that’s where we hide most of our airborne crap, but I need to be sure. I’m meeting with the Sierra Club soon…and that should be a barrel of laughs.”
“Umm…you were saying?”
“Oh, never mind, I wasn’t listening, anyway…
“Boy did you see the appendages on my Secretary? Impressive, huh, huh?”
Mumbling. “There’s going to be so much winning. The hundred or so of us will be celebrating when the rest of you are stabbing each other for our kitchen scraps.
How’s that for leadership, eh?”
And wouldn’t you know it. God works in wondrous ways. Right?
Man…you just gotta love American politics. I mean, it’s just so funny right? Taxpayers probably find it hilarious…
Next Week: “How the Health Secretary Believes Brain Worms Come from Watching Public Television
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