America’s Wheel of Misfortune

Satirical Political Editorial Opinion

Inside the Oval Office tonight, a team of elite strategists for the United States are planning their next move if Iran refuses to open the Strait of Hormuz.

Consensus is that it is likely that there are no good options remaining, so rather than admit that the administration has painted itself into a corner, a meeting is being held in secret in the Oval Office, where Donnie and the God of War are planning strategy. A thesaurus sits on the table. They believe they have reached the ultimate solution to the problem, and have decided to tell the truth, for the very first time.

The world will be shocked in response.

This time, they know they have outwitted those who would suggest that they, the elite cream of wheat, are too limited in scope. They will not be painted into a corner, — and so the Oval Office is the perfect venue for tonight’s meeting.

All plans have been passed through the hive-mind of the White House staff, and it is with some degree of uncertainty that the consensus and locus of confusion will clearly attempt to obfuscate the reality until unrecognizable, unintelligible tweetness’ of great power and fury is unleashed on Truth Asocial.

This then will be passed as policy and entered onto the ‘great spinning wheel of possibilities’ whereby a decision will be reached, providing a clear determination of the state of confusion that the administration now finds itself in.

Meanwhile Elon Musk has taken another hit of ketamine while Donald is fondling Karoline and perusing his next act of maniacal mayhem to be unleashed as soon as the next opportunity for avoiding a resolution can be made.

Pete is stoked.

He is still on his first pull-up.

Finally, a decision, by the God of War, so profound, so obsequious, so utterly inappropriate that Vladimir himself has tuned into the operation at the behest of the God of War, in order to impress the novice autocrat with his evil machinations.

The Tweet Machine awaits, pensively…while in the hallway the Haitian Witch Doctor sits, should all else fail.