The President of the United States has this really neat game that he likes to play with his closest friends. Sometimes they come from Mexico or France or Germany. But today, his friends come from Canada.
They get invited into the huge, stupendous, office in the West Wing of the Very Oval Office.
“Sit down Justine”, and no talking, I hate that Canadian language sound.” He says, punching the air as shuffles like a WWII vet with Parkinson’s, across the office floor.
He begins, “The way you play the game is to make up a story, A really great story, probably the best story, ever.”
He says, “The story isn’t actually real, because, — you know it’s just a story, – like in a fable, you know?”
Justin nods his head, politely. Pondering the weirdness, King Trump continues,
“And the story, is like, ahh.. alternate facts, right?” He says, turning up his palms, and pulling his arms together.
A giggle emanates from Musk in the corner.
“Alternate facts?” Justin asks, incredulous.
Justin sits attentively, waiting, — the supreme leader continues, as though he never heard him.
“So, I say, “You know, you’re killing millions of Americans, by not solving my problem, right?”
“Am I?” Justin asks?
“Yes, you’re killing millions of people, because the Chinese or the Mexicans, they’re making this drug, right, and they’re bringing it into my country. And, I say, like it’s out of control, and you’re not stopping it, Okay?”
Justin states, “But, we’re doing everything possible. You realize that we’re on the Northern Border, right, Mr. President. I mean we’re catching almost all of these people. We check their vehicles, we make sure they have passports, we inspect every vehicle, and we’ve caught quite a few of them, around 21,000 in nine months. They are then charged, arrested, and detained, tried in court and either put in prison or deported once they are found guilty and then sent home.”
He looks away, nodding to those in the room.
“Yeah, sure, but still, there’s millions of them getting in right?” The President says, smiling.
“Ummm…not really Mr. President.” You do realize we’re talking about a few thousand in a year, and they were caught Mr. President.” Justin looks concerned.
“Ummm…. alternate facts, not true… I say millions of them, for sure, millions, maybe even billions right?” He looks around the room, everybody nods in agreement.
“See? I told you, we have all the data, you saw my people all agreed, right?”
“Anyway…these millions, they’re bringing in truckloads of this drug, right in front of your noses, I mean, there’s so much of it, it’s falling out of their pockets, and … like backpacks, full of it.”
“Mr. President”, you see, it was actually 43 pounds, Sir, — in an entire year…across 4500 miles of border”
“No, that’s not true, it’s all a hoax, alternate facts for sure…” he states, —Vance, Gabbard and RFK all nod.
“That’s true Mr. President”, I have it on good authority, says Vance. I saw Miller put his thumbs up Sir.”
“Okay, okay, so…see, I told you…..so, you allowed something like 43 tons of fetayeen into the country, and you have no one even working on the border, right? I mean people just drive across and wave in their tractor trailers and you have so few people, they just say, “Okay, it’s okay, we’ll get you on the way back! Right? isn’t that right Bob.”
“Absolutely Mr. President.”
Elon glowers in the corner, his surreal eyes, boring black eyes, like Nasferatu’s, a grimace growing on his face, as smoke begins to seep from the drawer of thee holy resolute desk, —the bible close to spontaneous combustion.
“Ummmm….yeah…that’s exactly true Mr. President, — we have video of it, —hundreds of trucks, maybe thousands….Shaun Hannity showed us the videos, incredibly bad, just bad, bad people, Mr. President. Maybe the worst people, some of them are rapists Mr. President, and some are even Democrats.”
The President closes his eyes, the pain clearly on his face.
“Bob, I told you, no more talk about those terrorists, bob, no more.”
Bob, hangs his head in contrition.
“So, it’s like this Justine….”. We have proof that trillions of pounds of feayeeen is being openly brought across the border every day, killing billions of Americans, and Canada pays them to smuggle this shit in, right? So what are you going to do about it?”
“Don’t answer that…don’t answer that.” As he dances across the floor, doing his signature, punching shuffle., the music from Rocky plays in the background.
“I’m giving you till Tuesday to eliminate the problem, or we’re going to put magical tar’iffs on everything you make in Canada, …super beautiful tariffs, the best tariffs ever…on like Maple Syrup and those Chinese French cars. If you don’t agree to become the 76th state, so…there’s that.”
“Okay Justine, just sign this piece of paper, and I’ll let you leave the office.”
“Bob, bar the door and call the marines, I think Justine tried to choke me with some poutine, right? I mean you all saw it right?”
“Anyway Justine, you can either play the game”, or we’re going to bankrupt your country right, I mean all of it except for that Smith broad’s Albeerta, place, right?
Everyone notices he’s fondling himself.
“So don’t just sit there Justine….get out of my office and don’t let the amazing solid gold door from Mel Gibson, with the giant wooden cross on it, hit you in the ass.”
“So much winning Justine, so much winning. Right?”
“This is business Justine, just business. I have it on good authority from the FBI….and the Supreme Court…just business.”
“Fake News…just business. Oxford dictionaries is all lies, it’s all a hoax….”
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