We Knew It: It was Always Going to Be God’s Fault

Thank you Shovel…and Praise Be to the Great One. The Interstellar Team Leader who sits on the Right-Hand of the G.O.A.T. In Chief

https://theshovel.com.au/2026/04/22/trump-blames-cenozoic-tectonic-plates-not-opening-strait-wider/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=trump_blames_early_cenozoic_era_tectonic_plates_for_not_opening_strait_of_hormuz_wider&utm_term=2026-04-30

How could it not be. The Strait’s of Hormuz? If only God had planned appropriately. Let’s face it. An omniscient, omnipotent being should obviously have known when one of his flock has slipped a cog, or the whole shop floor, for that matter.

I mean…Jesus, how lacklustre omniscient can one be, now really?

But, I suppose we should cut him some slack. I mean, according to Garp, the earth is only 6000 years old, so, —there’s no accounting for the fact that the Pan-African Orogeny of 600 million years ago, should have led to full awareness in his rear-view mirror of prescience.

Would one not think?

Surely the God of War should have consulted with his peer prior to enacting such an obviously flawed action. So much for geography and geology 101, I guess.

But thankfully, the administration has a solution.

They plan to bring God before Congress and grill the being.

Medium well, most likely.

How inept, how obviously out of his depth, this less than stellar creator has proven to be.

Find, for a moon or an asteroid, but for a planet? Man, Woman, It… what were you thinking?

Humph…a complete failure.

It has therefore been decided by a quorum of two that G.T.F.A., shall be demoted to a lesser known being, simply a Senator or House Member.

So, now is the time to promote the President to God Almighty, seeing as the one who resides in that seat of redemption needs to obviously attend superordinate-being night-school.

Anyway world…nothing to see here. The blame has been laid and impeachment shall surely follow.

Oh, well. Another day, another deity.

So be it….

And so…it was written. And so…it shall be done (barring Congress approves of course).